It's a new decade or what?
Hi me,
It feels like years ago since I write here. I've been away for so long, god knows what you've missed. I am supposed to practice GMAT but well here i am. I'm kinda tired so i thought a bit of break would do me good I suppose.
Anyway, I've changed the name of the site for privacy purposes? I've been quite discreet lately i do not want people lurking around my blog and read all of those things - it is not me now, it is a ghost of what I used to be. I just don't like the fact that people can read heartfelt stuffs I've wrote here and thinking they know me while they are not just solely based on my writing - some of them i wrote a decade ago.
Anyway. Why do i sound so bitter lmao.
Ok. So as I said earlier I'm gonna do GMAT, totally panicked here tbh because it's a one-shot only kinda thing like that CFA test that I blew up last year. I do not want to fall into that trap again, so I decided to do a 3-hour study everyday and 4-5 hour study during weekends for 2 months time and see where it takes me.
And also, dude life has been crazy insane. Like really insane. Far much worse rollercoaster than things I wrote here. I matured a lot this 3 years. I did a lot of things I am not proud of, and couple that I am really proud. To be honest if i have the chance I would do it again, minus couple stuffs that I really regretted doing until now.
By the way - old me, dude you are poetic as heck. You modern-age poet. Who teach you that?? Probably crazy tons of hours spent reading fan fiction would do that to you. It is kinda funny that I am always this anxious,overthinker,think I'm no good of a person. Yes I have bring myself couple of achievement to fill that void but most of the time I failed to win something or didn't pass this test or didn't get the score that I want. But I'm fine, I'm coping. I think I learned to just be chill and accept the fact that there are a lot of people who have more than me - more brains, more wit, more money, more beauty. And that is liberating. Because I now kinda learn to let go - I'll try my hardest but if I couldn't win or pass I believe the sun will set again and we have for ourselves a nice little restart. And that to learn that maybe I couldn't do everything that I want is kinda nice too. It's fine, let's just settle to do everything I could the best that I can. Tbh I've been busier than ever but I am more at peace than during college years probably because I accept the circumstances that I am in now. Less angry, less bitter than I used to be. Who whould've thought? I used to spiral in my depression but now I just go along with it. People are depressed - most of them are. We aren't special snowflake in that case so better see where we are actually the special snowflake.
I think this post is by far the most... sane post I've written. This is new haha. I decided to write again here now that it's not public public, so I can just see my progress in life and see if this della who currently types down life updates is actually still no different than the della reading this. I will probably write monthly (or bi-monthly? who knows? not me)
p.s i think it is nice to see that even after all of my 10 years (11, 12? who's counting) of just living, i'm still the old me in essence. Even after many,many changes in my life, i'm still this person. I guess you cannot shake the core inside, the hard-working, always insecure, always thirsty for more achievements to come - and Della, this is a good thing.
It feels like years ago since I write here. I've been away for so long, god knows what you've missed. I am supposed to practice GMAT but well here i am. I'm kinda tired so i thought a bit of break would do me good I suppose.
Anyway, I've changed the name of the site for privacy purposes? I've been quite discreet lately i do not want people lurking around my blog and read all of those things - it is not me now, it is a ghost of what I used to be. I just don't like the fact that people can read heartfelt stuffs I've wrote here and thinking they know me while they are not just solely based on my writing - some of them i wrote a decade ago.
Anyway. Why do i sound so bitter lmao.
Ok. So as I said earlier I'm gonna do GMAT, totally panicked here tbh because it's a one-shot only kinda thing like that CFA test that I blew up last year. I do not want to fall into that trap again, so I decided to do a 3-hour study everyday and 4-5 hour study during weekends for 2 months time and see where it takes me.
And also, dude life has been crazy insane. Like really insane. Far much worse rollercoaster than things I wrote here. I matured a lot this 3 years. I did a lot of things I am not proud of, and couple that I am really proud. To be honest if i have the chance I would do it again, minus couple stuffs that I really regretted doing until now.
By the way - old me, dude you are poetic as heck. You modern-age poet. Who teach you that?? Probably crazy tons of hours spent reading fan fiction would do that to you. It is kinda funny that I am always this anxious,overthinker,think I'm no good of a person. Yes I have bring myself couple of achievement to fill that void but most of the time I failed to win something or didn't pass this test or didn't get the score that I want. But I'm fine, I'm coping. I think I learned to just be chill and accept the fact that there are a lot of people who have more than me - more brains, more wit, more money, more beauty. And that is liberating. Because I now kinda learn to let go - I'll try my hardest but if I couldn't win or pass I believe the sun will set again and we have for ourselves a nice little restart. And that to learn that maybe I couldn't do everything that I want is kinda nice too. It's fine, let's just settle to do everything I could the best that I can. Tbh I've been busier than ever but I am more at peace than during college years probably because I accept the circumstances that I am in now. Less angry, less bitter than I used to be. Who whould've thought? I used to spiral in my depression but now I just go along with it. People are depressed - most of them are. We aren't special snowflake in that case so better see where we are actually the special snowflake.
I think this post is by far the most... sane post I've written. This is new haha. I decided to write again here now that it's not public public, so I can just see my progress in life and see if this della who currently types down life updates is actually still no different than the della reading this. I will probably write monthly (or bi-monthly? who knows? not me)
p.s i think it is nice to see that even after all of my 10 years (11, 12? who's counting) of just living, i'm still the old me in essence. Even after many,many changes in my life, i'm still this person. I guess you cannot shake the core inside, the hard-working, always insecure, always thirsty for more achievements to come - and Della, this is a good thing.
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