Kinda Okay

Been almost two years since I last wrote here.I was still a freshman back then, fresh-faced, new to the city, a bit naive but excited regardless. I thought this is it, my life is going to change a lot. I used to think back to those good ol' times I am going to have a life so different than what it'd be if I choose to stay in Jogja. I was right - it is hella different.

But it is hard to say whether it is a good different or a bad one.

Don't get me wrong; I love Jakarta. A lot. I love the freedom it gives me. I love the hustle. I love the vibrant vibes. I love the fact that I can be someone new. I am someone new. I am not who I was in my high school days. I just don't know if I like this new me better.

Into my third year of staying in this city I realized I have changed a lot. There are major differences in me I can pinpoint. I am more open; more flexible. Am I too open, too flexible? I might be. All I know is that the old me wouldn't ever imagine that the 19 year old me would be like this. I know she would like the idea of me right now : A big city gal who dream big and try to dream even bigger. But I have no idea what she would say of the life I have now. I guess she would have a love - hate arguments as I have right now; after all there are parts of my mindset that always stay.

If I can have another guess; I'd like to say that she would believe that this is still the best choice for me even after all I've been through. Like I do, now.